BlackJack
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Everything posted by BlackJack
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30mg.... i dont think it will help gijoe
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i could deal with the depression, i could also deal with the anxiety if needed, and I did for many years after the divorce...... but the racing thoughts, suicidal thoughts and insomnia are absolutely unbearable. There is no way i can continue to live with these symptoms.... the doctor basically says its incurable and i have to accept the fact that i am permanently disabled. were you divorced? why did you think it was rougher for you?
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i used to gamble and was well known on the forums.... was married, had a happy life. Everything started spiraling out of control with a divorce several years back.
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many have recommended this type of activity, it is simply sensory overload for me when i go out in public, i see people on the streets and i would change places with them in a second. Its not because i am not grateful to be in the position im in with parental support, but rather the pain is so intolerable.
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the more videos i watch of this (adam) it seems that he was really with it. Of course i cannot be in his mind.
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i suppose i am guilty of going through the weeds as well.... i commend you for staying on the path housepicks, but i dont believe you should judge those of us who have made mistakes. I do admire you though and if I had another go around there are certain things i would surely change.
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why is there fighting starting in this thread?
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everything i see in the world when im walking around depresses me, happy normal people everywhere. Suicidal thoughts all day long
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ive been in this state for 5 years now, before i completely lost my mind i was relatively sharp but always had poor memory.
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mirtazapine (remeron) clomazepan (klonopin)
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bingo..... i cant believe this is a gift, i wouldn't wish this pain on Hitler.
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anxiety may be excitement? knowing that doesn't stop the pain? I miss laughing, music, good tv shows, movies, being in a relationship.
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i would love to believe that
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I have tried group therapy in AA settings, and some CBT. Im not sure what you mean about my gift to be productive? I want to refuse to lose but cognitively I cannot, when adam talks about departmentalization disorder i can relate to that.
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i simply dont have the cognition to focus on anything including physical activity.... the depression, anxiety, racing thoughts and insomnia are simply crippling, basically like a vegetable.
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My insomnia is a burden of my mind racing all the time, cant stop thinking. I reside with my parents at 45 years old, with no hope or future, and as you can imagine they are elderly, I am such a burden. its an impossible situation with frankly only one solution as i see it.
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are you able to work? or are you on assistance? watching this adam guy's videos I honestly cant help but feel my pain and torment is far worse, I suffer from horrendous insomnia. It also sounds like he got his hands on something to take to help him end it all, I simply dont know what to do.
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are you living on your own?
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he has a youtube channel with about 16 or 20 videos, he does seem capable in the videos yet describes a situation where he coudnt read three pages of a book. Also his father had power of attorney and had to manage his banking and everything else. I dont think he was psychotic but im not even really sure what that means. surprising to me that he could drive but i guess everyone is different.
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that's a fascinating thought, why would anyone choose such a thing? I know that people think that of me in my case, i can just see the disappointment in the eyes of my family.
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I agree it is confusing, when you watch some of his other videos it sounded absolutely horrible, yet he was still able to drive? Ive watched 5 or 6 of his videos and apparently his father had power of attorney he wasnt really able to do much for himself, yet he seemed to be able to do quite a bit IMO
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because many on these forums were arguing that if you commit suicide you are a coward. when chester bennington went that is what people were saying. I was arguing against it.
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you mean these are actions you took in the past?
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what do you mean by that? I have also made some poor choices in my life and have regrets and sometimes wonder if this is the punishment?
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He is lucky, it seems someone gave him the drugs that would allow him to die in peace, i dont know what he took.