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The MALBEC grape tasty


FISHHEAD
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1. Sticking your nose into the glass

Wine smells like grape juice gone bad. So why stick your nose so far into the glass. Maybe a few nose goblins will make it not taste like ass?

 

2. The swirl

You never see someone doing that to a good beer. Beer comes pre-mixed because it is a better drink. Hell, even James Bond wants his drink “Shaken not stirred.”

 

3. All the talk about the air and the fragrance

Unless you like the smell of a homeless midget’s taint I don’t get why you people get so excited about that smell. It’s not a damn air freshener. It’s a beverage. Drink it already and STFU!

 

4. The explanations of the smells

Have you ever really listened to someone trying to explain a “good wine? Does anyone ever sound more full of crap? Does anyone sound like more of a douche?

 

5. The spitting.

Hey, if I put something in my mouth that tasted that nasty, I’d want to spit it out too!

 

6. The Attitude

One of the most annoying things about wine is the attitude that wine drinkers are somehow the highest element of society. I’ve never understood that since it tastes like the cheapest way to get drunk available. I’ve always thought of wine as “The Emperors New Beverage”. Meaning that it tastes like crap, but people have been fooled into thinking it makes them smarter if they are seen drinking it. The emperor is naked and wine tastes like crap. You are a retard. So please get on the short bus so we can drive it off a cliff.

 

7. Children’s Cough Syrup

So many wine’s taste like children’s cough syrup. How can you act so snobby and talk for hours about something that tastes like children’s cough syrup?

 

8. Jolly Rancher anyone?

Not all wines taste the same. So to pigeon hole all of them as tasting like children’s cough syrup would be unfair. Some of them taste like a Jolly Rancher. Again I wonder why there is such an elitism that goes with wine.

 

9.The Price

Even the wine drinkers I know find this a little disturbing. Some of them have the money for the really expensive wines and have had them, but find the $10 wines to taste better. So is this another example of “The Emperor’s New Clothes?” Do people talk up the more expensive wines just to make themselves feel and look important to other douche bag wine snobs? Damn you people are pathetic.

 

10. The descriptions

Ever listen to wine drinkers describe what they are drinking? Am I the only one who just wants to punch them in the face?  There is nothing more annoying than listening to douche bags talk about wine.

 

 

Some good points here FH. 

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I'm with Spankie on the wine. I maybe haven't tried the right kind, but I'm not a fan of what I have tried. I buy a cheap bottle if a recipe calls for it, but that is about it. I have a bottle I bought awhile back for like $15, but haven't opened it. 

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While I agree with Spankie that a certain segment of wine drinkers can be pretty pretentious

asswipes, it doesn't diminish the enjoyment I get from drinking some vino with the right food.

It's a different way of drinking and if you have a little something of a problem with alcohol, 

especially health issues, it has a sort of built in governor that goes along with it. You just can't

drink a ton of wine the way you can beer or the hard stuff, nor would you probably want to. 

 

When the day comes where you've had it with binge drinking, mixing 5 different alcohols through

the course of the night or just decide you need to change your ways then wine may be a good

compromise. I don't believe it has significant health benefits like some do, I just think it's easier

on your body all the way around. 

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