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having a bad day


sleepy
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Yeah it's really bad actually. I'm pretty fucking scared that I won't be able to make bail at trial and that I will die in jail to be honest, but fear can be controlled and beaten, it has to be every time, I'll be ok hopefully after a Cliff bar, a good workout and an iced tea. I have so many fucking things to do now and really all I want to do is do my job to the best of my ability and play my guitar that I don't have access to since I simply came up there to do laundry (they were real cool about giving me my clothes back, which are still in the car too). This is not an urban area and to be honest I'm pretty good looking after losing all that weight so now I'm a pretty damn good looking guy in my opinion walking the street at odd hours (due to life circumstances) and I'm worried about being kidnapped, killed, hit by a car or killed. Those police hate me because when I was drunk I was dumb enough to threaten them due to the condition of the cell. I had to go crazy on this Spanish guy so as to try to get some sleep and they were ok with him and kept blaming it on me. I can't tell my parents because they aren't doing that well (Dad's on two strokes) and both are very elderly and I care about them so deeply. I can't tell my brother because he would tell them.  It all creates a very difficult time, because I was an idiot. Like they say though it could have been worse. I'm thankful I didn't hurt anyone or die. I'm thankful my new good job is letting me stay, deeply thankful. I'm thankful I relocated to within walking distance of it. I'm thankful for my new friends at that job who are telling me not to die. I'm thankful for freedom be it temporary for permanent. I'm thankful I've taken such good care of myself after beating kidney disease and a cardio arrest that the walks don't make me tired. I'm very thankful for a new cool as fuck landlord who is so good to me, dude gave me a nice chair to rock out in and has been across the board so deeply good to me. 

 

I still want to know who that girl was who stuck her finger up my ass though. and the one in the tattoo parlor who subtly threatened to mug me because I find them both very silly funny in the funniest/coolest way possible. I want to talk to them and buy them beer and date them. I want to talk to the blonde who went to see KOL and said they came out flat and I want to see if she wants to go see them with me in January (assuming I am free and can afford it, very broad assumptions). She was incredibly cool, attractive and sweet and I think we'd have a great time. Now I don't know if I can go back to aht bar and look for her without getting arrested and not being able to get out of jail which really sucks. Her eyes were so beautiful deep and caring. Maybe I'll go back there and not drink, just watch football have a sandwich and chill. I want to talk to the coolios at the other place that let me drink for free too. My theory is I had a cool conversation with this dude that is there all the time and that he's either a high end regular there who at least in large part owns the place or spends a lot of money there. When I get my guitar back I want to see if either place will let me rock out there, I think we'd all have a great time.  

 

So yeah, have to try to focus on the good now. There's plenty of it and perspective is everything. 

 

Nice hit on Samford man.

 

Glad to hear you beat kidney disease and are taking care of yourself that is something to be proud of. If ya don't mind me asking do you know how you contracted kidney disease? Diabetes?

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